Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize