Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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