my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize