I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
