I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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