I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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