every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
