Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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