Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
