I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
