it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize