I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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