Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
