My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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