I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
