is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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