My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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