The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
