if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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