if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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