hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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