so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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