happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You took a bar mat shot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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