Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
