I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize