Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
