those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
3pm strippers are depressing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
