Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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