Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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