Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
