I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She announced her abortion via fbk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
