Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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