I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"