i can't believe i had my finger in that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.