if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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