Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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