yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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