I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
