Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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