After last night, I could never be a politician.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
