and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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