Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
