I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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