i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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