Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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