you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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