Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
