My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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