my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
