So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.