my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed