well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life