If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today