Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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