It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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