Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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