You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
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50% drunk capacity currently
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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